so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I pour the whiskey from now on
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
