Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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