Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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