I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
