Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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