we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
