you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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