your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
