Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
