Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Randomize
