she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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