Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
