they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
