from now on my penis is your penis
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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