Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
i believe in u and ur pee
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
