I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
