its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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