my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
