At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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