i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't put those talents on a resume
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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