drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize