i just made my gag reflex go away.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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