I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
