did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
