Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
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