I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
