ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
