i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
