I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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