Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
