My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize