There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
