i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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