I am puke
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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