There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
