Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
