is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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