I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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