im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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