I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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