I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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