I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
