Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
