This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
