New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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