You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
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Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
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I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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