You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
