WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
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I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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