the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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