I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
