do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
