You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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