Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
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I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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