just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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