he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
