I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
