the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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