There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
