I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
