I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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