yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
