Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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