I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can text with my tongue
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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