she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
