I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
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He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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