Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
