Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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