This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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