HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
