Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
