I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hippo gnu deer
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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