Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Please don't give away my fajitas
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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