We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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