AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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