I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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