how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
