I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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