I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
