So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
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